On December 4th, 2019 I had major surgery on the top of my neck, I had to have my C1-C2 fused together due to nerve and spinal cord damage symptoms. This was one of the most difficult physically, emotionally and mentally things I have had to go through in my entire life. This took about four full months to start to feel close to normal I would have to say. Truthfully I am still recovering both mentally and physically and it’s going to be a long road but hopefully it’s all worth it.
The one thing to realize that you have no control over anything when you are recovering from surgery. How you feel, whether or not the medicine you are given will actually work and how long everything is going to last. Surgery takes a huge toll on a person, you deal with the physical pain from the moment you wake up from surgery until that one day you wake up with real relief. It also can take a heavy toll on you mentally, you can’t escape the pain you feel. The overwhelming feeling of being alone starts to weigh on you, it’s something you can’t really explain to someone who has never been in your shoes.
Recovering from this surgery gave me a different perspective on life, I felt completely trapped, I could not do a thing to make it better and I just had to sit there and hope I’d heal quickly . Having to wear a neck brace 24/7 for about 2 months, in constant pain, makes you feel so powerless. I was lucky I ended up having a really good support group around me between family and friends. As I laid there in pain I thought up all the things I wanted to do when I was healed, played make believe in a sense just to let my mind escape what I was going through. I thought my recovery would go a little quicker than it did, so.
This also gave me a chance to take a step back and see people from a different perspective, who’s going to be there for you during the bad ugly times, who only really around when they need or want something. The older you get, the more wisdom you tend to have. I shouldn’t have to reach out to people on a regular basis when I am the one who is going through so much. Though i’ll touch more on this in a future post, for now i’m just going to focus on how recovery was for me.
Neck surgery was probably the most painful thing I ever detailed, and I really can not express this enough. It was such uncomfortable pain, not being able to figure out how to sleep. There is a lot I’ve learned and taken away from this experience. Figuring out how to eat was a struggle with the neck collar on. I felt like I was choking on my food with a lot of things. What I have learned is that as much as I want to plan things in advance, I have things to look forward to in the long run you really can’t control much when it comes to life. It does not matter how good of a person you may think you are to other people, you really cant expect the same treatment in return.
What perspective have I gained? You may wonder, I learned I need to let go of trying to plan my life and what I want out of it. There will always be a curveball that’s going to mess it up, I used to be a big planner but now I almost feel what’s the point. Let’s just see where the chips lay and take things one step at a time. I’ve also gained a new perspective on my health and how important it is to take care of your body and what you are putting into it. Mental health is also such an important thing to take care of which is something I did not take into consideration before this surgery.
Overall I’d like to think that what I’ve learned and the perspective I’ve gained is most of it good, some not so good but if I could get through this I think I can handle just about anything at this point. Which is something that’s very important to remember when everything just seems to stink. Stop planning what could be your future and just learn the life you are currently in, because those plans could just end up becoming nothing more than make believe in the long run.
